Catch-up

So we've been in Glossop for two and half years now and the time really has flown.  I'm not going to backtrack on absolutely everything that's happened but there's been plenty of significant moments.

Richard has been amazing and has had something of an impact here.  He's taken over the youth work and done loads more plus he loves working with our vicar who is pretty special really.  The clergy team has become cosier since the arrival of a new associate last autumn and church has gone from being the place we go to worship to becoming our church family.  I do think it takes a good few years to properly settle in though and I guess it'll be time for us to move on when we reach that place!

Joannah started school in September 2010, freeing me up hugely to preach and get involved with Alpha and the worship ministry.  The best bit though was seeing 3 of my friends become Christians.  It was so amazing to be part of that.  I discipled one of my friends in the spring over about 6 weeks.  I knew she was close so I had to take the bull by the horns with her.  She gave her life to Jesus at week 5 and was baptised a month later.  My other two friends were in our Alpha group in the autumn.  I'm so grateful to God for being able to lead them to Jesus.

In the autumn, I went to a leadership conference at Christchurch, Bridlington, an amazingly prophetic church that re-lit my fire, so to speak!  My struggles post Oxford are well and truly behind me and, right now, we're waiting to see what's next.

Doesn't time fly?

Gosh, it's been a long time since my last post and now is a good time to write as I'm off back to Oxford this weekend to tell the spouses at college about what it's like in the job.

The main reason I've not been blogging is because I realised that there's a limit to the amount of detail I can share, not knowing who might log on. After a while (though not too long), you begin to see the problems in your chosen church and not just the great things that attracted you to it in the first place so this blog needs to be about the positive aspects of life as a curate's wife.

One of my favourite things that we do is a group on a nearby estate with some church friends who run a Christian cafe there. We're simply discipling them into faith and we've had some wonderful times. Three of the group made commitments to the Lord before Christmas and two are very close to doing so. Their situations are so rough and it's a pleasure to spend a little time with them each week and seeing them draw closer to Jesus. How this might develop I can't disclose but if you find my Facebook page, Richard and I post notes there about how the group is going.

Unexpectedly, I've realised that I'm exhausted from having moved house twice in two years. The moves to Oxford and then to Glossop in and of themselves were enjoyable & exciting (I love moving) but since the autumn I seem to have suffered a delayed reaction to the upheaval and I'm still pretty exhausted and intent on never moving house again! This has been quite upsetting and having lived in 19 houses in my 32 years, it's all catching up on me.

Rich and I have our own small group and have gathered some of the people closer to our own age in the church. Again, it's discipleship that is lacking here (and, frankly, everywhere) so that's what we're doing and I think our different approach to things is having an impact. Hopefully, a work amongst young adults will emerge from this in time. Richard is also responsible for the youth worker here and is setting up a youth congregation (something I'm not involved in).

As a family, I think we're settled. I'm getting to know much better the friends I've made and feel part of the community, especially as Emily is now at school and Joannah at pre-school. This has given me more time to concentrate on building good relationships with people in and out of the church with the ultimate aim of bringing people closer to the Lord.

I'm tired right now and I'm still feeling that God is taking me out of the Oxford spiritual cloud I was under but the sense of being the new curate-and-family has worn off and we're beginning to get a picture of how God will use us here.

New things

Just to say that since my last post, things have been looking up. I watched a Louie Giglio talk and was sufficiently inspired to get back on track. I think though that there's a general time of breaking happening for me right now which I know will be a challenge.

We've just had a holiday in Devon and now that the summer's over, the work really starts so we're looking at our lives and seeing where we need to change (again) so we can do this job well. I've got myself a little job writing bible notes for Scripture Union (another challenge) and Emily starts school in a week. We got back from hols to discover Rich is preaching tomorrow but he's not too fussed! He launches the first fresh expression (of 3 or 4 during our curacy) this week - I'll try to remember to let you know how that goes.

So for me, I really need to get more of God in my life 'cause I'm running on empty right now. Think I'll start now ...

Desperate for truth

I've felt increasingly down lately. On the surface of things, there's nothing for me to feel down about but something's going on and it's taking me time to process it.

Even though Richard was studying at theological college and not me, I seem to have been affected by college in quite negative ways. We went into college confident that we'd had strong, formative years in ministry already and so wouldn't be shaped by the C of E college experience and, as far as I can make out, Rich has come out pretty much the same as he went in. I'm really pleased about that because it's important that he can stick to his convictions and not come under any heavy yoke.

For me though, I think I struggled with the amount of doubt and unbelief I encountered there. Most of my experience was in college rather than a local church and though you'd perhaps expect people to be focussing on faith, so many conversations I had were about how we don't believe in God, we don't trust God, we don't see him be true to his word. People talked about the Bible as though it's true in theory but they had little idea of how to work it out in their everyday lives. It's as though they're crossing their fingers and desperately hoping it's all true.

Anyhow, though I loved my college friends, I'm realising that an awful lot of this other stuff has rubbed off on me now. I feel negative and very spiritually dry. I went into college life relating to God in quite a childlike way and I now feel critical and cynical. Perhaps it's an Oxford thing too; Richard Dawkins' books in every shop window, books written specifically to counter his arguments and others to support them. It could feel suffocating so I tried to avoid it.

So now, I'm desperate to find faith again. True faith. I can't live a life which has a form of godliness but denies its power. For me, it has to be real or there's no point. It has been real in the past but I can hear the devil's whispers trying to undo what God's done in my memory. I think it's going to take some time to work through.

In the meantime, the curate's wife in me is busy making friends, having coffee with churchgoers and non-churchgoers and generally getting in on our new community.

"Don't do anything for the first six months"

This seems to be something that everyone says and on the whole, I guess it's pretty good advice. Particularly, if you've got older children and you need to spend time settling them in and making them feel as though you're still the same mum, there for them each day when they need you.

However, I've been surprised by my reaction to Rich's new job and, as I usually find with general principles and advice, it doesn't seem to be the right thing for me.

The Bible says that without vision the people perish and this is soooo true for me. I only need go a few seconds without a great sense of purpose and drive in my life and things dramatically fall apart. So I'm here watching Rich get started in his new job and suddenly I feel purposeless and out on a limb. Rich and I have always worked together to lesser or greater degrees and right now, this ministry stuff is all about him. While I recognise that this is now his day-in-day-out job and it frankly is about him, I felt God begin to speak to me too - that I must continue in my calling and not feel I have to sit back twiddling my thumbs while Rich enjoys his spotlight and just wait for the first six months to be over.

"Don't do anything for the first six months"? I think this advice is really to stop us from following other people's expectations and carrying on from where the last curate's wife finished off. We must give ourselves time and be realistic about the effect that the pressures of moving and so many new things have on us. But for me, I know I need to get started and that's what I want to do. My children are little and seem fine. I will watch and wait and see where God might be leading but it will be a proactive watching and a purposeful waiting and I will not hang back where I should be getting involved.

The generation gap

I've discovered that probably all people of a certain age and generation have some stereotypical ideas of the curate's wife. I wasn't expecting this at all, going to a charismatic and forward-looking church. But within the first month, I've had 3 over-sixties make some interesting remarks toward me: a gentleman commented on how I would relate to being in a situation where I didn't understand what the men around me were talking about!; one lady "strongly advised" me to go to a particular mums group and asked if I had my own transport, suggesting that Richard get a bike (which he already has) so I can go to this group; another woman telephoned me to partly discuss what a shame it was that the mums group she started years ago is now struggling to find leaders and how she was pleased I'd arrived and hoped that God would put it on someone's heart to lead the group!

If you know me at all, you'll know that though I'll serve if I need to, I try to avoid working with under-fives at all costs! I have noticed that when people are talking to Rich & me, they look at me when they talk about mums or children or babies (expecting me to produce another one some time soon!). I know though that for these people, it's just their way and they don't even realise they're not being very PC. They're only trying to help me to slot in and find friends asap, I just have to not take it to heart. These comments can catch you by surprise though and I can imagine that if I get too many of them, I may start to think I should be doing all the things they want me to.

Ordination day

Although long, emotional and exhausting, the day of Richard's ordination was really special and a great day to remember. It started at 6am in our house as we had to get all the family up and ready to travel down to Derby at 8am in convoy with Colin, our incumbent.

The cathedral informed us that there would be a creche room available but no one to look after anyone's children so we took a babysitter with us who would take Emily & Jojo into the creche during the service. Once we arrived at the cathedral, firstly they told us there was no creche room but then it turned out there was and it was supervised after all! Colin wasn't pleased.

Aside from creche issues, the service was long but bearable and had it's lovely moments, including the Bish washing the deacons' feet to identify himself as a servant with them.



The girls loved being able to finally see their Daddy after the service and it was great to see people who'd travelled down from Glossop to support Richard.

We had lunch with family and then made the trek back up to Glossop where a welcome tea at the vicarage awaited us.

After having very little sleep the night before and such a long day I was half asleep and close to tears by the time we got back but the congregations of the parish had been invited to the tea to welcome us and we needed to go. It was all a bit overwhelming for everyone by this stage and we stayed as long as we could. I got to bed at 6.30 that evening and slept for 12 hours!